Earnest Hemingway once said that a blank sheet of paper was the most frightening thing he had ever seen...and he never had to write an online dating profile! Writing a personal essay that is intriguing, positive and representative of your character can be a challenging prospect, but it doesn't have to be intimidating. Remember, everyone is in the same situation, and ultimately, you're writing about a subject you know a lot about: yourself.
Still, I know how hard it can be to get started. So, to help you get over the initial hump, here are 13 useful tips for a great profile:
1) The only thing you have to fear is yourself.
Success, some have said, is 80% showing up. Couple that with the right mentality, and you're likely to do well. Tell yourself you can write a great profile, and do your best to stay confident and positive throughout. Remember, doing something with a negative attitude is like trying to win a race on one foot: it might be possible, but it's bound to be more difficult.
2) Success is in the name.
It's important to choose a nick name that is fun, catchy and somewhat relevant to your personality. Remember, this is going to be how other members know you and refer to you, so do you really want to go with "Skanky_larue" or "SluttyMarie"? You'll find that sexual innuendo, either subtle or crass, will often create misleading first impressions and awkward situations. So choose wisely.
3) Make a splashy entrance.
Aside from great photos, an eye-catching headline is the next best thing to getting people's attention. Without being vulgar, it's best to use a fun, enticing introduction that avoids clichés. If you're stuck, look to some of your favourite books, movies and music for jokes, quotes, lines and lyrics that mean something to you. It's also best to avoid sexual boasts ("I'm a great lay"), tired lines ("Looking for Mr. Right"), desperation ("Please email me!"), or open hostility ("Deadbeats, bums and drunks go to hell!").
4) Where's your bait?
What is it that makes you special? What is your unique trait or life experience that will make people want to chat with you? Before you start writing, think about your work experiences, your children (if you have any), your pets, the places you have lived, the travels you have been on, and the languages you speak (or are learning). Odds are good that even the facts and activities you find mundane are interesting to someone else; so don't be afraid to share.
5) Start writing.
Staring at a blank page hoping the right words appear will get you nowhere. Do not sit back and wait, procrastination is the enemy. Diving in and writing out a rough draft (either by hand or in a word program) is the easiest and most effective way to organise your thoughts. Start with what you are passionate about, and use your list of unique traits to get things rolling. Odds are, you'll soon find the momentum (and the words) needed to craft your personal essay.
6) The indirect description.
Describing yourself can be a tricky thing. Underplaying it might make you seem bland or boring, while overstating can make you sound arrogant or insane. A good way to avoid this problem is to tell people what you like, and not what you are like. Mention some of your favourite foods, cities, music, books and movies, as well as hobbies. You'll find that this method will often paint a much more vivid picture of your character than something like "outgoing social worker seeks..."
7) Success is in the details.
Instead of saying, "I am fun and easy-going," tell people about something you recently did for fun. Simply listing adjectives and activities means little if they are not backed up with some specifics for people to latch on to, so do what you can to include some short anecdotes and stories.
8) Honesty is the only policy.
Do not lie, exaggerate or boast, no matter how strong the urge is. Sure, you may be feeling nervous or self-conscious, but you have nothing to gain by distorting the truth...even if you're sure you can pull off pretending to be a pilot. Lies, after all, are almost always revealed with time.
9) Keep Mr. Happy and the Twins out of this.
We're sure you're proud of your 12 inch penis or Double D cup breasts, but are these the sort of things you'd mention when meeting someone in the flesh? Because of the nature of online dating, members often lose some of their inhibitions, and end up writing things they would never say in person. Ultimately, this works against them, so try to keep this in mind (even if your body parts are on your mind).
10) Use a positive vocabulary.
One of the rules of marketing and advertising is to avoid using negative words and tones, and this can be helpful when writing a profile. People will generally respond more favourably to an upbeat, positive essay than to phrases like "Lonely male seeks soul mate" or "Desperate gal needs playmate." Think of what you would like to read in a profile, and use that as a guide.
11) Comedy: A funny way of being serious.
Charlie Chaplin may have said that everything is a gag, but in the online dating world, you always have to be careful when joking around. Sure, a sense of humour can help make people feel comfortable, but they can also drive people away if taken too far (or if your idea of humour is different). Sarcasm or subtlety should also be used with care, as these often don't come across well in writing. Pick your spots, and remember; you can always impress people with your wit during a chat.
12) Restrain your inner Tolstoy.
Always be brief. Many people skip over long personal essays, so go over what you've written and cut everything you think is not essential. Keep things short and snappy, and try to break up your writing into paragraphs, which is a nice way to make your essay easier to read.
13) Always spell and grammar check.
Once you're happy with what you have written, make sure to put it into a spell and grammar-checking program. No one is expecting you to be a Pulitzer Prize winning author, but no one wants to read a thirty-line, punctuation free paragraph written exclusively in capital letters either. Put a bit of effort into it, and it will do wonders for the impression you make.
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